What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 20:37
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot live in the past .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What's the gayest thing you have experienced on an only boys sleepover?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was scared of men, in general
What is your twin flame story?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
What did i know ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
How many girls or guys keep extra pantyhose in their glove box or console of their vehicle?
I said to her
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is soul school!.
What is the best interracial stories that you hear or know and want to share?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What is your favorite cuckold experience?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it wasn’t much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My life is so biszare .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What is your best forbidden sex story that felt so right?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I couldn’t, believe it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a friend's daughter?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was 9 years of age.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So whats the point in blame.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Comes on , in middle age.
We were not on the streets..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
He knew the spot.
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Put me off passion for life!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I will be 64.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She wouldn,t have been !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When she asked me how she looked .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Would this be the day?
I think the readers, may guess!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She loved him until the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I don,t even have a pension.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why did i forgive my father ?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
All the time i was locked up.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i lived it daily.
She found it foreign!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I waited trembling.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We all went to grammer schools
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But, we were locked up after school.
Ive learnt so much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I have no regrets .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I write beautiful poetry .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?